Your problems with deltachat seem absolutely understandable. I’m afraid the current options don’t serve for expanding the use-cases. The options need to be slightly refactored to be able to actually allow adjusting to different use-cases…
Why would you think one needs to permanently route all emails from a contact to deltachat?
I see the permanent message grabbing as a (current) problem that interferes with regular email communication (and something to be obsoleted by a reasonable chat metric + visible email counter).